Southend United v Torquay United - 16/3/13

[EnglefieldGreenShot]

Thanks Andy - I've already read quite a few believe me - they always make me laugh out loud. Good to have a sense of humor - especially at the moment, eh?

Next time we play you, which will be in L2 next year (think +ve), I'll make our board aware of your piece (which I'm sure you'll write).

COYG/S !

[AustrianAndyGull]

Best not slag off your town then. I'll keep it light. :na:

All the best

[Gullscorer]

Nice to hear from you EGShot. I remember the camaraderie between Shots' and Gulls' fans when we were both in the Conference chasing promotion. I think we both have a reasonable chance of avoiding the drop this season..

Andy, your posts are always great in more ways than one. Keep up the good work...!!

[AustrianAndyGull]

Thanks Mick, always good to read yours too.

[Gullscorer]

I suppose anybody going to this match had better take a toilet roll (no, not for throwing onto the pitch)... =D

[AustrianAndyGull]

I suppose anybody going to this match had better take a toilet roll (no, not for throwing onto the pitch)... =D

I think that is advice that could be given at many grounds at our level. I know i go on about it but i'm actually considering starting a campaign to improve toilet facilities in all grounds from conference up so that they actually comply with the human rights act as well as the health and safety act. Not to mention the moral obligation that clubs should adhere to for ensuring that ALL paying customers are afforded the dignity of being able to have a dump in relative comfort.

I'm not saying ship in the Andrex, stick a newspaper rack in each cubicle, fill up the handwash with Champneys or have a bloke in there dishing out mints grinning at you like a cheshire cat and saying, "Freshen Up!" in a sort of unnerving, seedy kind of way. That's not what i'm saying at all but at the very least there should be a brightly lit and spacious area with more than 1 or 2 cubicles. There should be seats fitted, in many grounds i've been to there hasn't even been a seat fitted! The reason for this i'm assuming is to stop hooligans ripping them off, taking them back into the stands and lobbing them on the pitch. How many occasions have you heard in football history of bog seats being used as missiles?!! Exactly. F*cking mental, and in the meantime i have to sit on cold metal or porcelain and try to 'eek one out' as comfortably as possible and when i get up i've gone numb down below and have raw skin.

There should also be the facility to lock yourself in so that whilst the contents of dinner and 3 pints of ale are rapidly making there merry way towards your anus, you don't have to sit there with one outstretched foot keeping the f*cking door shut!! I endured one particularly unpleasant situation at Mansfield where the bloke kept pushing the f*cking door open as though there was nobody in there. If it wasn't for the fact that my IBS had kicked in and i was in more discomfort than half the patients on a labour ward then i'd have seriously got up and just laid the bloke out i was that annoyed. But having washed my hands. =D

Finally there should be a steady supply of toilet roll and no word of a lie, i actually do come prepared and have paper hankies on me when i go to some of these hellholes like Accrington because i know if i didn't then i'd be doing exactly what Tony did in the story and be wiping my ass on my clothing!

On a serious note, having limited or unacceptable toilet facilities not fit for purpose adds unecessary stress and anxiety onto what should be a lovely day out following ones team for sufferers of IBS or any other similar disorders and in 2013 it just isn't on and i actually want to do something about it now so yeah, f*ck it. I'm going to start a campaign, why not. (No jibes about REALLY having too much time on my hands please as i'd rather have that on them than poo!).

I cannot drink alcohol when i go to the football as it does tend to go through me like a knife through butter which is fine in the pub but once you leave you're on your own and the anxiety begins which is why i don't do it anymore. I used to go to games on the train and have a drink and stuff but i can't now because i know that most of the toilet facilities at the grounds aren't acceptable should i need to use them. It's really sad but now i have to go in the car everywhere which given the increasing numbers of absolute weirdo's you get on trains nowadays is probably a blessing.

Not only that but i want to start taking my daughter to matches eventually ( she's only 4 ) and if she needs the toilet then i'll have to take her into the mens and one trip into there away at Oldham or somewhere else exotic and it's not nice, it's not funny and it is uncomfortable. Plus it can put the kids off. It's the same for other parents too i'd imagine and i don't know if anyone else feels the same way as i do or indeed has had any problems at grounds but to be honest it's beyond a f*cking joke now. Some of these clubs are charging £20 to get in and hoping that you will stand/sit for 90 minutes, buy a load of crap from the catering facilities and go home. That's not enough anymore and if disabled people can be catered for then i reckon that sufferers of bowel conditions even bladder conditions should be afforded the same levels of respect and dignity in 2013 and i'm not having it anymore.

So, apologies AGAIN for the length of the reply AND the rant AND the regurgitation of 'toilet based' stuff but i'm actually going to start something positive and constructive about this.Why should I / we suffer this just because the clubs think we're cattle? It wouldn't even cost much and they might be able to get help with supplies / materials from local businesses. In the meantime i'll continue to smack myself up with imodium when i go to watch the mighty Gulls!!

Finally, just a word on Fleetwood. They had a brand new, spacious portakabin in the away end for toilets and they were superb so hats off to them ( or should i say, 'pants off' to them ). I didn't expect it as looking at some of the properties around the ground, they didn't even look like they had toilets as most of it was on the gardens!

[Gullscorer]

You're right Andy, it's a serious matter. Health and Safety rules notwithstanding, decent toilet facilities are one of the basics which should be provided by any club that wants crowds through its turnstiles.

And as for travelling by car, it's time motor manufacturers marketed a vehicle which also doubles as a portaloo. Or a Portaloo on wheels with at least a 1500cc engine and automatic transmission, and the waste being converted immediately into biofuel... :Oops:

[Dockers Pal]

Well done Andy, you are spot on about toilets at sporting venues. In my experience they have been dire whichever sport you follow. And given the money in football its a disgrace. There should be a minimum ratio of cubicles per hundred fans attending and as you say they should have lockable doors, paper, enough basins to wash hands. Its something that the Football Supporters Federation should take up and bring greater publicity to.
As an aside, in my experience if there were more women involved in running the game this would have been addressed.

[chunkygull]

Oh and thanks for the complimentary comments chunky.

(If being called 'barking' can BE such a thing )

it was indeed meant with respect and in affectionate jest andy.

most of your posts are very entertaining, witty and clever. and the forum is better off with you.

(it gets a bit quiet when you take one of your sabbaticals).

it would take me days to write anything like your match previews and probably would never be as good.

i take my hat off to you sir.

[bobby93]

Shall be there. Ashamed really because it's really my first away game of the season (I don't count Exeter as I work in the city anyway).

Also on a side note. Andy - I quite often respectfully disagree with some of what you say as I sometimes find it negative and dare I say even overdramatic, but I never feel the need to reply or comment. I will however hold my hands up and say I've enjoyed reading your contributions to this thread, both the information and the er, toilet-based comments, which I agree with completely. So thanks. Also, I had glandular fever not long ago and I know what it's like so get well soon. All the best.

[AustrianAndyGull]

No probs Bobby. I even find myself too negative and overdramatic if truth be told and i know how my outbursts must look to other people. Not good. I can do something about the outbursts but the negativity views are my genuine beliefs at any given time i'm afraid. As i've said before, i can perfectly accept somebody disagreeing with me it's just the folk that feel the need to do it in a blunt, sarcastic or arrogant manner which sets me off on one as there's just no need for it. Hence i generally respond in an overly aggressive manner which is not what i wanted to do but hey.

Thanks anyway Bobby and hope you enjoy the game on Saturday and a Gulls win!

I appreciate the kind comments though Bobby and also the get well message. Thankyou.

[AustrianAndyGull]

Looking at their forum it appears that Southend have been far too defensive and negative at Roots Hall this season and none more so than in tuesday nights loss to Wimbledon. Their fans are concerned about another tentative performance on saturday so i'm going to say this:

1. We've got the confidence and resilience still in our lads from tuesday.
2. We've got Jordan Chappell and Joss Labadie now and you would think they are desperate to do well.
3. We are without Downes but MacDonald can do a job.
4. I have been guilty of perhaps putting Southend on a pedestal when in fact their home form doesn't warrant this.
5. IF Knill sends the lads out there tomorrow to give a similar performance to tuesday then i'm going to stick my neck out here and say we are going to win. It's a big IF and the win is there for us ONLY if we attack them and put them under pressure. I get the impression that their fans will soon get on their backs if things aren't going for them early doors. So, i am putting faith in Knill that he wants to replicate tuesday night and should that be the case we will win. He knows, i know and you all know what will happen if he doesn't and i don't reckon he is as one dimensional as Ling so i trust him to make the right decisions.

2-1 Torquay and i'll change my prediction league scorecast now from a 2-1 loss to a 2-1 win. I hope this rare show of faith won't come back and bite me on the arse.

COYY!!!!!!!

[Scott Brehaut]

I don't want to replicate Tuesday night because we will draw and be down to ten men for almost the whole game

[AustrianAndyGull]

I don't want to replicate Tuesday night because we will draw and be down to ten men for almost the whole game

Scott that is almost as funny as Omid Djalili! :na:

[Scott Brehaut]

I blame you for making me post it, by posting something equally as nonsensical in the first place :na: