This week we delve deep into this large Buckinghamshire town to try and uncover hidden stories of terror and the paranormal, to try and get an insight into what makes the place tick and to also try and get Knill and the lads to get in and out of there with something. When I say something I don't mean we should have a whip round so that they can all get chicken and bacon ranch style melted subs for the journey home on the team coach or indeed there is no way we should be buying them lucky dip lottery tickets not least because they are £2 and the lotto can f*ck off. We get enough of a lottery on the f*cking field nowadays anyway and pay upwards of £20 for it. What do we win? Most travel miles racked up in a season by fans award? Oh, that will go to Man Utd.
No, what i'm trying to say is that us fans who are going to Adams Park will have to delve deep into our physical and mental reserves to sing and chant the lads to a victory. Physical because it takes a lot of huff and puff (isn't that off Harry Potter?) to churn out songs and vocal encouragement at games, especially when only 8 of you plus a small child who doesn't know what is going on are the only ones that can be arsed to join in.
That is not taking into account those whose health stops them like the smokers who cane a 40 deck of ciggies each day or those who are so grossly obese that first on their Christmas list is a defibrillator. I am neither, I've given up smoking and am now nearly a healthy weight (if I lived in Newcastle). =D At Wycombe we need a reaction which doesn't bode well. Our 'reactions' so far this season include a 1-0 loss at Rochdale after we were battered at Fleetwood then a 3-0 home defeat by York after losing at Newport. In fact I might give Diana Ross a bell because lose at Wycombe and a chain reaction is happening. She might want to do the half time entertainment in the home game against Mansfield and belt out her classic.
"We're in the middle of a chain reaction!"
NO SH*T. Although you've got it wrong Diana. It's a long chain of defeats love, there are no reactions. If there are any they are the equivalent of the reaction obtained from a sloth when you try and frighten it out of a tree. (Please, please kids don't try this out at Paignton Zoo on your next visit as sloths have as much right to be lethargic and cumbersome as our players do at Wycombe on Saturday).
So we all make our merry way to Adams Park for what should be an interesting and unpredictable game. At this moment in time it is likely to be the same back 4 that played against York unless Knill manages to get in an emergency loan player between now and Saturday and unless O'Connor gets called up for international duty and the game is not postponed. There have been some good reports about O'Connor so maybe all is not lost although it is disheartening to hear that Rice was being blamed for a couple of the goals against York. If this is the case he sure has picked the wrong moment to suffer a dip in form.
In the middle i'm not sure what Knill plans to do and I also don't know the extent of Harding's injury so we will have to wait and see. Up front, again I couldn't really say with any certainty who will start this game. So it's all a bit up in the air at the moment and i'm sure there will not be any other points in the season when we suffer so much ill fortune with injuries so if we can ride out the storm now it will stand us in good stead for the second half of the season. We can only get better from there. Right now though it's sink or swim and we need to just dig in there and grind out a few positive results. Let's look on the bright side, we're not Accrington and none of us live there either.
Gareth Ainsworth is Chairboys manager and I know he gets some stick for his appearance but first of all I used to look like Jesus (i'm a metal head too!) and secondly I like the bloke, think he is a down to earth man with a tough job on his hands which he has taken on board and good luck to him.
As for their squad it is not actually too bad on paper. They have kept Matt McClure, grandson of Doug who incidentally appeared in a couple of feature films about Accrington. First was about Lancashire, THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT and the second was based in and around Accrington itself and was called THE PEOPLE THAT TIME FORGOT. It was released in 1977 and yet still Accrington have a problem with Dinosaur infestations.
Jon Paul Pittman has signed on again (for Wycombe - he isn't a benefit scrounger) on a 1 year deal from Oxford United. They also signed ex- Partick striker Steven Craig on a one year deal and also have Paris Cowan-Hall, Jamaican Junior Morais, ex Gull Jo Kuffour and also on loan Sunderland striker Billy Knott. Wycombe are hoping to tie him up to a permanent deal.
Boom boom. Let's hope we give him a rough landing on Saturday. Boom boom boom! Top scorer and dangerman Dean Morgan missed the defeat to Burton at the weekend due to a thigh strain and he will also sit out their JPT clash with Bristol City on Tuesday night as a precaution. Whether he will be fit to face us I couldn't say. They lost Dennis Oli but they managed to find him again. He'd only gone to Havant & Waterlooville.
In the middle they can call on the services of Max Kretzschmar, Josh Scowen, Matt Bloomfield, Stewart Lewis who had an 80's pop group called 'THE NEWS' , Matt Spring who I hope won't be coiled and ready to poach a goal. He'll be jumping for joy if that happens. Boom.
Also they have Sam Wood which is on the outskirts of the town and is a lovely ancient copse to have a stroll through, it also doubles up as a Wycombe midfielder. They have to do without Joel Grant who moved to Yeovil and also Georges Ehui who was released, not into the wild though. Last I heard he wasn't an in injured hedgehog rehabilitated by an old lady in a thatched cottage but a footballer. 
In defence they could have a array of floating buoys, a line of dry spaghetti stuck in the turf stretching from one side of the pitch to the other, glue or 20 morris dancers. It really wouldn't matter as we will still be as dangerous as Mr Bean armed with a bag of coconuts. They do have on loan Blackpool left back Charles Dunne who was sent off for two yellows against Burton last week so that's dunn for him on Saturday i'm afraid. BOOM! Charles Dunne what? He got sent off?!! Stupid bleeder! All good for us though.
In goal they have some performing seals and if not why not? We might score then plus I get to hurl animal rights abuse at their handlers! I kill two birds with one stone! (although perhaps not the appropriate phrase to use for an animal lover). Be a good shot though, could even take up archery if I manage that. Yeah, I could bring archery to the masses. Set up archery targets in beer gardens in the summer and get some leagues going. It's basically massive darts. The only drawback apart from the one on your bow would be that fat beer monsters would have to walk to the end of the field to retrieve their arrows. They wouldn't like that but I reckon the NHS could get involved here as it promotes exercise on a night out a the boozer. Again, kill two birds......................SORRY MY BEAUTIFUL AVIAN FRIENDS!! I MEANT YOU NO HARM!! TELL THE MAGPIE TO P*SS OFF NOW PLEASE!!! I HAVE SOME SEEDS HERE FOR PASSERINES ONLY - THOSE WITH BIGGER BEAKS CAN GO AND WHISTLE!!
ANOTHER IDEA FOR A LATE NIGHT RADIO PHONE IN FOR INSOMNIACS! Basically the DJ plays songs of birds whistling and these people who can't sleep can phone in and try and guess which species of bird it is. If they guess right they win a all expenses break to an RSPB reserve with free unlimited food and drinks at their cafe's. The latter is necessary as if you've ever been to a nature reserve you'll be bored sh*tless after 5 minutes and want something to eat. I love birds and nature but these places bore the crap out of me.
"Oh look! Over there! A heron!"
