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http://www.exeweb.com/forums/showthread ... ndy-D-Urso

Dear FA,

I'm a gobshite terrace football expert. The referee didn't give us a penalty, so I'm writing to complain because, despite being 100 yards from the incident and knowing **** all about the rules, the role of each official, the nature or content of the conversation between the lino and D'Urso, or being able to understand a very simple chain of events*, I'm going to write a letter BECAUSE I'VE BEEN GOING FOR YEARS SO I MUST KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

****'s sake.

Matt.

*it's not hard to follow at all. Bloke goes into the box, goes down. Ref gives a pen. Melee ensues. Lino calls ref over and they have a chat:

Ref: Any reason that isn't a penalty?
Lino: actually, it was a dive
R: really, looked to be contact from my angle, how sure are you?
L: certain, there was no contact, it was a dive
R: OK, cheers, I'll caution the Exeter man then. Hold up, was that a headbutt?
L: it was, I recommend a dismissal.
R: I concur.

Result: yellow for diving for the Exeter player, free kick to Morecambe at the spot of the foul (in the old days, it would have been indirect for not having been an 'offence against the person'. Perhaps Y4 would be good enough to confirm the present ruling on this?) It's also a red for the Morecambe bloke for the headbutt in the melee.

This, indeed is funny, the I.Q of your average greek is pretty low, would suggest the ref noted the reaction of the Morecambe players who would have had the best view of all, and thought, have I made a mistake, best go and check before I compound said mistake and allow penalty to be taken, first class piece of refereeing if you ask me.

This will be used in evidence on banter base later..

I'm well on the way to being quoted on every board in L2. It's ace.

Matt.